We had all kinds of problems trying to stop our toddler hitting and all of his temper tantrums that would inevitably come around, so we did some research to find out what we could do. I want to share with you some of the strategies that we discovered.
There are basically four characteristics that define a defiant child, resulting in the toddler hitting and temper tantrums. The number one trait is that they are control craving. By this I mean that they crave control of their own lives. They will do just about anything, even some things that may seem to produce the desired effect or even the opposite effect, to try to maintain or regain control of the situation. This is where the toddler tantrums come into play. If I cause a huge fuss, more than likely mom or dad is going to give in, thus getting my way and taking control.
The next characteristic is being socially exploitative. This results in the child noticing how others react and respond and they use those responses to their advantage. This is where toddler hitting can come into play. If I hit this kid over here, then someone will come right away and I can get some attention. Sure I might get into trouble, but all I have to do is throw an tantrum and the big person will back off.
Sometimes the child will be blind to their role in the problem. They cannot see how they are affecting any problem that has arisen, and they convince themselves that everyone else that is around them are actually the ones causing the problem, and doing it intentionally.
If your child is able to tolerate a lot of negativity, then more than likely he or she is a defiant child. They may actually seem to thrive on huge amounts of conflict, anger, and negativity, thus the toddler hitting and the tantrums. And try as you might, they are going to win most of the battles of negativity. Remember, they are masters of it.
Now, besides these traits that may define a defiant child, there is possibly another difficulty or fault that is making your child seem to be defiant. It is what is known as the inflexible child, and this causes the child to lack sufficient behavior skills that allows him or her to handle any sudden changes in their routines. Again, this is where the toddler hitting and tantrums comes into play. You may think that your child is trying deliberately to misbehave and get under your skin, but the simple matter of fact is that they do not know how to react accordingly to anything that they are not familiar with.
Understanding these traits and characteristics within your child will allow you to help cope with a toddler hitting or even biting toddlers. We did not know any of this until we researched it in detail, and it really has helped us to understand our son and the feelings that he has. It has enabled us to use the right kind of corrections and has made a huge difference in our lives.
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