The appearance of temper tantrums does not mean that your little one has turned into an unpleasant child. In fact, tantrums are an inevitable part of growing up. As toddlers leave babyhood behind, they want some control over their life. Now they are able to walk and run, their physical independence and natural curiosity frequently put them in places that are neither healthy nor safe. When parents intervene to protect their child and say "no," the youngster becomes angry and frustrated. Lacking the ability to express themselves orally, toddlers display their frustration by throwing temper tantrums.
Are these episodes the results of poor parenting, under disciplining or overindulging their child? Temper tantrums come in all forms. Some children just whine and cry, while others fling themselves on the floor, kicking and screaming with their arms and legs flailing away. Other variations include head-banging, breath-holding, biting or hitting anything and everything in their way.
Sometimes it is possible to reduce the frequency of tantrums by learning what situations trigger an episode. For example, children are especially vulnerable to tantrums when they are bored, hungry, tired, sick or over stimulated. Toddlers are great imitators. When a youngster sees one of their parents explode and lose control or scream to get what they want, the toddler will use similar behavior.
There is no magic formula for handling temper tantrums, but there are some general principles that are important. Most experts warn parents not to let the outbursts become "profitable" for the child. When parents bribe or give in to their youngster's demands, the child will have found an effective way to get what they want. Furthermore, parents who become angry in response to a tantrum will only make things worse. Some parents become so frustrated that they ridicule, shake or smack their child.
Once the tantrum has started, it is important for parents to remain calm. Becoming angry will only make an already upset child even more distressed. Smacking or screaming at a hysterical youngster only lowers the parents to the child's level. Remember, a parent cannot win an argument with their child by acting like a child themselves.
Instead, listen carefully to their child's underlying message and then communicate respect for those feelings using easy-to-understand language.
Get down on their level, make eye to eye contact and say something in a pleasant, but serious tone of voice. Keep the language simple. Use short sentences and be repetitive. Show the child you understand. It might take a minute or two for the message to sink in, but it will. Parents who learn the basic method of expressing empathy first will find it helps not just with toddlers, but with older children as well. The goal is to develop a loving, respectful relationship throughout your child's life.
Temper tantrums represent normal childhood behavior and begin to decrease in frequency as the child learns to deal with anger. Remember, a toddler's tantrum is not meant to annoy parents nor do these episodes result from poor parenting. Temper tantrums are about testing boundaries. If a child sees that the tantrum gets them nowhere, they will eventually find more socially appropriate ways to express displeasure.
It takes much parental self-control to remember the reasons for a child's temper tantrum and then act in a supportive yet firm manner. In addition, parents must also remember to praise their youngster's good behavior and reward them for being good and controlling their temper. Loving parents who discipline their child will help the youngster learn the self-control so necessary throughout life.
Les Scammell
http://www.myradicalblogs.com
http://www.just4families.com
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